whatofthewarts | (no subject)

"Pseudo-spiritual."

Explain that. He knows that he and Sherlock are at least of one mind on all things metaphysical.

"The endorphin high briefly gave me the sensation of being connected to the entire universe. I've had worse cocaine."

To contextualize it.

"Ah. A delusional experience brought about by an overtaxed neural network."

He nods. Makes sense. He's seen priests experience the same.

"Why did she want to do it?"

"It's what she does. Hurts people for pleasure."

He tells him, withdrawing further. He doesn't know 'broken heart' reads as transparently on him as all the rest.

"Dominatrix and sadist. She liked to whip, drug, and choke me now and again, to get me tractable enough to work for her."

"Mine was more into humiliation than beatings."

He doesn't smile, but there is a distinct softness in his expression.

"She once drugged me and left me naked and handcuffed to a bed in an upscale hotel."

"That too."

He admits, with the strange, defensive stillness back in him again, looking at the ceiling.

"Only not strangers. John and Mycroft. And it was never really nudity, just the- care, I suppose, the narcissism of presumed mutual infatuation."

"You felt no such thing?"

This could so easily come off as that 'psychoanalysis' that Sherlock had sneered at. But it's not. It's, if anything, more of a self-analysis. Feelings about Irene were never simple or clear.

"She informed them that I did, and she didn't."

He corrects, simply, still watching the play of firelight over the ceiling.

Another bee materializes, and drops stone dead to the floor, head severed. Another failure.

"She had reason to believe that you did."

Irene is--was--arrogant, and often wrong, but she didn't base her assumptions on empty air.

There's no answer now. He's climbing to his feet again, eyes back on the door.

"We're not done yet."

Knowing this about Irene has stoked new fascination.

"Show me the scars."

"Go to hell."

He informs him, tiredly, already know what's coming next.

"What I can't understand is how you act defiant, when you aren't truly helpless. What are you railing against? And why?"

He says it so Sherlock understands the reasoning behind Holmes slamming his heel against the back of Sherlock's knee.

He staggers, but manages to fall with more grace this time, although one wrist gives sort of messily when he lands on it and sends searing white through his eyes.

He kicks out hard, this time at his head.

He hadn't expected it, but is tall enough that when he jerks back away it splits his lip open, rather than knocking him flat.

He hooks his arm around Sherlock's leg, and brings his own foot down on the other man's groin. He pulls it, at the last second--there's contact but it's not brutal. He wants to see how Sherlock takes to someone holding back on him.

...Well. That, and he's struggling valiantly not to retaliate out of anger.

It still hurts though, and he's scrambling wildly away, wheezing for breath, keeping his legs between them. Elbows braced defensively on the floor, he'll mule kick him if he comes closer.

"Had you done this to begin with..."

He has to point that out.

"Now show me the scars. This is scientific curiosity."

"Piss off."

More crude, now. He's not giving him that.

"No need to be difficult."

He's not keen on getting near those long legs again. Doing so would escalate this beyond what he's prepared to do.

"Although 'difficult' seems to be your default state."

He makes a mistake (probably) and scrambles to his feet.

"Really. It's so unreasonable that you not know the entire truth?"

"You, of all people, should know the answer to that."

His tone is clipped, a little bewildered.

"A man cannot have privacy from himself."

"You are nothing like me. Not in any way that matters."

All but spitting at him.

"I hope that is so. I would hate to be a man who simply accepts what is given to him, without real complaint or question."

"You have no concept of how crippling it is to suddenly be living the impossible. Warp time itself to save John. Go on, I dare you to understand it, to try to conquer it. I'm beginning to. Two more years work, maybe three, and I'll make it home. You are not a resource, you're here to fight. I put every waking minute into this, I avoid the other questions, because unlike you I care more about him than I do myself and my own petty little distractions."

Informing him, vitriolic and tight.

"You have no idea of what I will and will not accept."

This is a side of Sherlock that Holmes is aware he also has. He, after all, is willing to die for Watson. To kill for him, or worse. And if it was for Watson, he would take torture without a fight. He has.

And he loosens the top buttons of his own shirt, and pulls it aside to show the gruesome scar in his shoulder.

"Oh yes. I do."

And that is all he says, before he assesses what he needs to do to get Sherlock by the throat, pinned to the table, where he can tear open the other man's shirt.